


Talking Through the Silence

by xSomedayxSoonx



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Everyone Needs A Hug, Gen, I promise, If You Squint - Freeform, Lance (Voltron) Angst, Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, Lance (Voltron)-centric, Langst, No Character Death, Shiro is missing, everyone is a mess, klance, mom lance, they're doing the best they can, voltron family suffering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-13
Updated: 2017-09-26
Packaged: 2018-10-18 06:03:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10610775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xSomedayxSoonx/pseuds/xSomedayxSoonx
Summary: Lance couldn’t wait for them to get Shiro back. It had been a lot of long days since he disappeared. None of them could fill the emptiness that he’d left, and it wouldn’t get better until he was back.None of them had been prepared to find themselves in space fighting a war on their own, so they didn't always know how to deal with it too well. But Lance was trying his hardest. He knew that after weeks of frustration they all probably wanted him to stop annoying them and some silence, but Lance couldn’t let that happen. He knew that leaving them alone with their thoughts in a time like this was a horrible idea. So Lance would do what he did best: talk.





	1. When One of the Team is Missing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Voltron has to deal with a missing Black Paladin and maybe doesn't always handle it too well. There isn't an instruction manual on how to be a defender of the universe, and Lance is doing the best he can to hold them together on the fly. They just need to find Shiro, and everyone should be fine again, right?
> 
> Some langst in a hurting team.

Shiro had been gone for days. Maybe the more accurate assessment would be weeks. Time was different here in space, and Lance didn’t know what day it would even be back on Earth. He just knew there had been countless vargas without their leader.

The door to the Black Lion hangar slid smoothly open, and Lance stepped into the vast space. This place always intimidated him. Maybe it was the color of the lights that shone on the lion that constituted the head of Voltron; the electric blue of Blue’s hangar always gave off a happy and welcoming feel. Maybe it was the lack of knickknacks and souvenirs Lance had gathered in his own lion’s hangar. Or maybe it was all in his head, and the impersonal feel of the hangar was just because it was missing a key part of their team.

“Hey big guy,” Lance called, and his voice echoed around the chamber. He tried to avoid this place. He tried to avoid seeing the physical absence of Shiro that caused a tangible ache like a festering wound he hadn’t gone to the healing pods for. “I just wanted to check to see how you were holding up. Not that you’re not the toughest space robot lion around or anything,” he added. “And I know we were all just in here earlier, but _that_ obviously didn’t go well…”

Lance broke off when he realized he was rambling and took a deep breath. The whole team had been in again this morning to try and appeal to the Black Lion. The longer the lion went without choosing a new leader, the angrier Keith got, the more dejected Allura seemed, and the more moral the team lost. It chipped away like a physical thing that even he and Coran were having a hard time piecing back together. But the lion just stood inactive and unaffected by their pleas for Voltron’s necessity.

“I just…” The Blue Paladin hesitated. He might be alone with the mechanical cat, but there was that feeling of being watched that had started back on Earth in Blue’s cave. He’d never felt alone since he bonded with his lion. Blue was always there, and it made him understand that draw that he’d mocked Keith for at the start of all of this in the desert. The constant bond was what made him happy in all of this mess. That bond was what brought him to one of the two rooms in the castle he actively avoided.

“I wanted you to know that I get why you won’t let anyone in,” Lance finally said. “I think we all kinda forget about your feelings in this whole big mess of trying to get Voltron back together and saving the universe and needing a Black Paladin. Sometimes it’s a little weird to remember we _have_ to think about the fact that giant space cats have feelings, but I’m working on it. Anyway, that’s not the point. You miss him too, don’t you?” Lance took a step toward the silent lion. He knew the others would laugh if they could see him. Leave it to him to decide it was a good idea to ramble to a depressed robot lion. “You two worked harder on your bond than any of us,” he admitted. It was a good thing the others weren’t here. He'd never live this down. “Plus, there was that thing with Zarkon and your bond with him, and I know Keith said you let him pilot you once and that Shiro wants him to take over, which is why he’s so frustrated you won’t let him in. He and Red really are perfect for each other. Like, _exactly_ the same. Probably why she always chases after him if she senses he’s in trouble. He could get a hangnail, and she’d break down her hangar door.” He was rambling now that he got going, but he’d always been too good at going off on tangents. “Be-because that bond is… special, isn’t it?”

He gave the Black Lion a watery smile. He hadn’t noticed the tears pricking at his eyes, so he blinked them back and forced his smile wider, more confident. “That’s what Allura made it sound like when we first started looking for you guys. I know that Blue is part of me, anyway. I don’t even know if I remember what it’s like not to have her constant presence. I don’t know what it’d be like to lose that. Whoa, random sympathy for Zarkon so moving on. I figure that bond’s got to be a two-way street, and Blue always says I’m a part of her now too whenever I suggest she finds a new paladin.”

Lance felt that draw, the subtle messages Blue always tried to give him since he first sat in her pilot’s seat. He’d gotten better at understanding them as they got to know each other. She hated when he talked about leaving, so he decided to change the subject before he really upset her.

“Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that you lost your paladin, and you’re hurting. But letting someone else pilot you isn’t replacing Shiro. None of us want to replace him, just… hold it together until he gets back. That’s really all we’re doing. We might need Voltron to get him back, so someone might _need_ to pilot you. None of us can live up to him, but letting someone in isn’t going to make your bond with him any less special. I flew that joke of a skunk headed pilot here to find you,” great, his eyes stung again, so he forced himself to laugh past the lump in his throat, “so I know you two belong together. I just wanted you to know that I understand. And I miss him too.”

A loud metallic scraping echoed through the hangar as Black moved for the first time since they’d found Shiro’s empty pilot seat. She leaned forward until her head was resting on the ground in front of Lance. He didn’t need a bond with the lion to know what she needed.  He obediently stepped forward and rested his hand on her muzzle.

“We’re doing everything we can to find him,” he whispered as he leaned his forehead against the cool metal. “We’ll get him back.”

 

* * *

 

The Black Lion was back in her usual position the next day, so no one was even a little bit suspicious as to what Lance had been up to for those couple of hours he spent comforting the lion. He’d probably annoyed them enough with his presence that they welcomed his absence. Not that he could help it. It wasn’t like he wanted to be annoying; it was just the easiest solution he could think of most of the time.

Hunk had been stress baking new types of food goo when Lance had found him after finally leaving the hangar. That was never a good sign. Hunk loved to cook, but he also used it for comfort too. So Lance had taken it upon himself to distract his friend. He told stories he knew Hunk had heard before, compared his mother’s recipes with the Garrison cafeteria food, and generally tried to be underfoot while Hunk was working. It helped to an extent. He watched the exasperated annoyance flare up again and again in Hunk’s eyes, but it was better than the bottomless sorrow that had been there to begin with. Besides, Hunk’s endless patience never ran out, and he just gave his friend a weary smile as Lance got started on a long tangent about his mother’s _arroz con pollo_. He knew Hunk would never actually call him annoying like the others might when he was trying to pester them out of their melancholy, but the Yellow Paladin probably just wanted Lance to leave him alone for some peace and quiet sometimes.

Peace and quiet was exactly the thing they didn’t need. Lance knew that after weeks of frustration they all probably wanted him to stop annoying them and some silence, but Lance couldn’t let that happen. He knew that leaving them alone with their thoughts in a time like this was a horrible idea. He’d gotten enough bruises from waking the castle inhabitants up from nightmares to prove it was the worst idea in the history of ideas, and he’d had some pretty terrible ideas.

So Lance happily kicked his feet against the cabinet he was sitting on as he frantically tried to think of another story to tell Hunk that might make him laugh while he stirred the goo. He was really starting to repeat material at this point, not that Hunk was really paying attention.

The real problem had started when dinner was ready.

Everyone ate together for dinner, especially when Hunk cooked. Well, everyone and the crushing emptiness of one chair.

Keith was clearly still fuming about the recent Black Lion fiasco this morning. Lance tried not to take that personally. Despite his initial impressions of Keith and how they still fought, he knew it wasn’t because Keith thought he was better than all of them and should be the leader but because he felt like he was letting Shiro down by not following the path he wanted.

Allura was clearly still disappointed with the recent setback, so Coran was telling a long-winded story. It involved his silverware and several jabs to his food goo. It had almost everyone rolling their eyes if not fighting back a smile, so Lance focused on the biggest obstacle. A certain mullet haired someone wasn’t joining in on the merriment.

“Hey Keith,” Lance called. The Red Paladin glanced at him from where he was leaning on the table with his head resting on one hand while the other idly nudged his pile of food. “Didn’t anyone ever teach you not to play with your goo?”

“Maybe I’d actually eat it if it wasn’t culinary torture,” he snapped back. Oh no, that was _not_ the response Lance wanted.

“Hey! I worked really hard on that!” Hunk cried.

“Alien goop is alien goop no matter how hard you try.”

“You take that back,” Lance cried dramatically. He wielded his spoon at Keith for emphasis. “Hunk is a culinary angel sent from the stars.”

“Well then make me,” Keith bit back.

Lance could’ve rolled his eyes at the predictability. It was too easy to get under the Red Paladin’s skin, especially when he was clearly already itching for a fight, but Lance wasn’t going to let him sit here and take it out on Hunk’s cooking.

“Oh yeah! Let’s go right now!” he challenged. When he jumped up, he wasn’t the least bit surprised that Keith immediately followed suit. Everyone else would go back to their conversation with maybe a small grumble at their antics, but Keith would get what he really needed. He needed to hit his frustration out, and Lance was the best at getting him riled up for a fight. Not that he was exactly looking forward to sparring one on one with a ticked off Keith, but he’d needed someone new to spar with when Shiro had disappeared. Lance had filled the roll with false complaints and taunts, and Keith had gotten less combative with the rest of the castle’s occupants when he had an outlet for his frustrations.

As he stormed out of the dining room ahead of Keith, Lance took a moment to lament the almost full plate of goo he was leaving behind. Hunk had really made it taste almost good this time.

 

* * *

 

“Lance! You’re late!” Allura cried.

“Sorry,” Lance shot her a smirk, fighting a yawn, “you know how I like my beauty sleep.” He was the last to stumble into the training deck after the shrieking announcement rudely woke him up.

“Then you must not get a lot of it,” Keith muttered. Lance couldn’t argue with him there. It had been late or very, very early when he’d dragged a pissed off Pidge to bed, and he always slept terrible after the warning alarm to wake her up before she had a nightmare. He had forced her to bed enough times to know that she needed enough sleep to still function but not enough to have a nightmare, but it wasn’t enough sleep for Lance’s liking whenever he had to drag himself out of bed after just a few hours to keep her from reaching the nasty part of her REM cycle. He would never tell her that he did that because it sounded way too creepy that he knew her sleeping patterns, and she was always so mad when he made her go to sleep, he didn’t want to imagine what she was capable of if she found out he was the one responsible for her waking up. A sleepy Pidge was a scary Pidge, so he always booked it out of there.

The quick headcount after had revealed that Keith was already up, and he knew the idiot had already started training despite the fact that it barely counted as morning. The others wouldn’t be up for hours. Lance had gone to the kitchen to get a simple breakfast and some hydration ready because he knew the Red Paladin wouldn’t take care of that himself. He ended up having to clean up the mess that resulted from Hunk’s brownie experiments the day before. The brownies, if they could be called that, had stuck to anything they touched. Lance wailing about the stuff in his hair had at least cheered the Yellow Paladin up enough to go find Pidge to work on the tracking program they were trying to create for the lions; judging by how furious she’d been when Lance had forced her to bed, they’d made some good progress on it.

By the time the kitchen was spotless again, the mice had hunted him down. That usually meant that Allura was sleepwalking through the castle again. He had to trust that Keith would wander into the kitchen and find what Lance had laid out for him as the Blue Paladin reluctantly trailed after the squeaking rodents. He always felt like they were trying to talk to him when they led him around, but all he got was squeaks and excited gestures as they hunted the princess down. When Lance finally managed to get Allura guided back to bed, it was well into the morning.

Of course today would be a drill day. He’d thought he would have time for at least a little nap before Allura woke up fully, but clearly that had been wishful thinking. He needed to get Hunk to make some kind of space coffee.

“I will have you know,” Lance started in a huff, “that this perfection is the result of a well-balanced moisturizing routine that must be followed vigorously.” He hadn’t had the energy for his routine last night. Had he done it the night before? He couldn’t remember.

“Well then do it on your own time,” Allura warned. “We have to be especially ready for any kind of attack now.”

Lance wanted to ask if she’d been dreaming about her father again when she was wandering around asleep and if that was why she was unusually grumpy this morning, but he resisted. _That_ would only make it worse. Instead he just gave her a tired salute.

“Aye aye captain.”

At least Hunk gave him a halfhearted chuckle for his antics.

“We’re going to be doing a group training exercise,” Allura announced as if that was somehow news to them. “You will all face a mob attack scenario and be expected to rely on your teammates to dispatch the enemies quickly and efficiently.”

“That’ll be easy,” Lance scoffed with relief. They were like a well-oiled machine at this point.

“Then we will have individual members sit out the following rounds,” Allura continued like he hadn’t spoken, “to prepare for changing group dynamics if one or more teammate is missing.”

If a teammate was missing. Right. Like Shiro.

The thought clearly settled with everyone else, so Lance yelled loudly, “Dibs on sitting out first!”

Allura sighed under her breath while Pidge elbowed him in the side. Lance wished she hadn’t done that. He jumped back in pretend annoyance as he tried not to let the hiss of pain escape. He may have yelled that jokingly, but he really did want to sit out as much as he could. On top of being exhausted from the long night, he was sporting some spectacular bruises from egging Keith on during dinner. He knew Keith would never intentionally injure him, but Lance really hadn’t thought through challenging him out of armor and missing his bayard. He was a little more banged up than he was used to and didn’t think he was going to fare much better at what Allura had planned.

“Let’s just get started,” Keith offered

“Didn’t you just train all day yesterday?” Lance teased. “How are you not sick of this?”

“Why? You tired?” Keith taunted back. “Did I go too hard on you?”

Lance was tempted to say yes and show Keith the collection of bruises he’d give him, including the one from getting hit in the stomach with the hilt of his sword that Pidge had inadvertently elbowed, but he wasn’t trying to make the other paladin feel guilty for just being upset that Shiro was gone, and taking his armor off to prove his point just sounded like more work than it was worth. Instead he just let out a huff of air to show his annoyance. “As if. Prepare to get show up today, mullet.”

“It’s a team building exercise, guys,” Hunk pleaded.

“No way,” Lance crowd with completely false confidence, “I’m putting fingerless glove boy in his place.” Keith could probably take him down with _just_ his gloves at this point.

“Bring it on, cargo pilot,” Keith smirked as they headed toward the arena. Lance had to pause before following the team. He reminded himself that Keith didn’t know that particular comparison was one Lance couldn’t stand. It always felt less like a joke, but it wasn’t like the Red Paladin was doing it on purpose. He hadn’t been at the Garrison when Iverson had compared them to each other. Even if he had been, Lance was being more confrontational than usual, so Keith did have a right to snap. It was just hard to fill the silence that was where Shiro would offer advice or tell them to calm down or just be Shiro with anything other than loudness. Lance was trying to fill a lot of silence these days.

Blue gave him a gentle nudge. She always knew how to fill the pain with something other than poorly timed jokes and bad pickup lines. Lance could only hope the other lions were as good at doing the same for the others. She offered him her support so that he would fall into step behind the others to start what would probably be another long day.

Lance couldn’t wait for them to get Shiro back. It had been a lot of long days since he disappeared. None of them could fill the emptiness that he’d left, and it wouldn’t get better until he was back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't want anyone to think the team is purposefully mistreating Lance. They're all a bunch of kids and traumatized adults, okay? They're just doing the best they can. It's not like any of them are trained at healthy coping or know how to deal with this kind of emotional distress. I just think that Lance would be a little more adept at noticing what everyone is going through. Some people are better at that than others, so it isn't necessarily the team's fault for not being as perceptive in return. A lot of people with a lot of negative emotions or depression are good at noticing those things in others while being horrible at sharing what they themselves feel. I feel like Lance would be one of those people. They all, Lance included, just need to have better communication.
> 
> In Chapter 1 the team has to learn how to cope with Shiro missing, in 2 they learn how to rebuild when they get him back, and they learn they aren't as strong as they thought they were in 3.


	2. When the Team is Whole Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The team is back in business, and business should be good. But maybe some wounds aren't healed properly, and that can cause a devastating blow. Voltron takes too long to realize that maybe being back in business is the worst thing that could happen to them.
> 
> Everyone tries too hard and misses what's important.

Everyone was better once Shiro was back, but that didn’t mean that anything was easier. Sure Lance could stop trying to find ways to wake up Pidge at the right point in her sleep cycle to avoid nightmares even if he still had to track her down to make sure she wasn’t forgetting basic human needs. And Hunk wasn’t having panic attacks every time anyone separated in a battle even if he was still stress baking. Keith finally had his training partner back, and Shiro could boost the team’s moral in a way Lance could never dream of. The Blue Paladin’s speeches were better at distracting and causing mockery rather than motivating and bonding. But the team back together was almost harder for Lance to fulfill his role in than the team in mourning. He was glad Shiro was back, but he felt like he was the only one still disconnected while the team rebuilt.

He was on the verge of telling the team that almost every day. He was familiar with this feeling, but back on Earth, he’d had a whole family of support to get him through it. They weren’t here in space, and six other stressed and emotionally compromised strangers weren’t equipped to notice if Lance was spiraling. To be fair, he knew they weren’t strangers and that at least Hunk would understand if he talked about what he was feeling, but he couldn’t stop the nag as constant as Blue’s bond that it would prove him to be the weakest link. It wasn’t like he could forget the months of insults Iverson and the other cadets had drilled into him; they were as big a part of him as his homesickness. Besides, the team was distracted enough now that Shiro was back.

Everyone’s immediate reaction to the Black Paladin’s return was overpowering joy followed by intense relief. It wasn’t until later for the things like worry and uncertainty came into play; it took a while for the new problems to settle in. Everything was better, but nothing was the same.

The team was walking on eggshells. Maybe something more dangerous than eggshells. Something they thought could jump up and bite them at any moment. They were whole again, but now they had the fear that they wouldn’t stay that way. Now they had weeks of fear and stress that they couldn’t undo. Lance wasn’t the only one finding it hard to readjust to what could be considered normal in a flying castle spaceship.

Keith was overprotective of Shiro. He would often try to keep the older paladin from training too often or for too long, insist he eat more food portions, and just fuss in general. Lance found it hard to not feel resentful or jealous when the Red Paladin would try and force Shiro to sit down or take a blanket into the cockpit while he rebonded with the Black Lion. Keith had never noticed or cared when Lance had done things like that for him, but now his attention was focused solely on replicating the actions with his mentor. At least the resentment could be tamped down with his other feelings that he couldn’t get rid of for the other paladin.

Everyone in the castle was trying too hard to make everything perfect again. They wanted the team to run as smoothly as it had before they’d lost their leader. They wanted a purpose bonding them together like fighting Zarkon had given them. They wanted to act like nothing had happened, but it had.

Dinners together were as awkward as if Shiro’s chair was still empty. The conversation danced around him as they tried to make sure they didn’t say something that might set him off because the weariness under his eyes was heavier than it was before they’d lost him. The tension in his shoulders was tighter than when they’d watched him struggle to get free from the disbelieving Garrison officers after crashing down to Earth. Lance had known for a long time that this team wasn’t the most well equipped one to deal with emotional trauma, but at least they were trying to do their best for Shiro’s sake. He at least seemed less likely to freeze up as he had been before they’d located the Blade of Marmora, so they were hopeful that he was having less flashbacks.

Lance’s hopes had been dashed when he was making the rounds one night. It was a hard habit to break, making sure everyone was coping well during the midnight hours, and it was one he was glad he still had when he heard a scream from Shiro’s room.

Sprinting to the door, Lance slapped the panel to open the door and dashed in the room before he could really think about the logic of going in unarmed and in his pajamas and slippers. There wasn’t an intruder or a threat other than Shiro’s activated arm as he flailed on his bed. Lance was too stunned to move for a moment as he watched Shiro twist in his sheets and let out another choked sob.

It didn’t take any longer than that for Lance’s instincts to kick in, and he was over by the side of the bed pushing down Shiro’s shoulders with steady hands.

“Shiro you need to wake up,” he pleaded gently. One of Lance’s sisters had bad night terrors when she was little, so he knew better than to startle the paladin too badly. His sister had packed a wallop of punch when startled. “Shiro. Listen to me, buddy. You need to wake up.” His voice was louder, and he again pushed down on Shiro’s shoulders slightly.

When Shiro’s eyes snapped open, Lance immediately stepped back and raised his hands in the air. “Relax. Breathe.” Shiro’s eyes were unfocused as he panted and looked unseeingly around the room. “It’s me, Lance. I won’t touch you. Just listen to my voice.” He tried to keep his tone soothing and level. It wouldn’t be a good idea to get near Shiro until he was at least aware enough to know who was talking to him. “You’re safe. You’re in the Castle of Lions. It’s just me and you buddy. It’s just Lance. You’re safe.” Shiro’s breath still caught, but his eyes refocused a little.

“L-Lance?” he wheezed.

“Yeah, it’s me.” He nodded and stepped closer to the bed so that Shiro could see his face better in the dark. The purple glow in the room faded as Shiro deactivated his arm. “You were just having a nightmare. You’re safe. Nothing bad is going to happen to you. You’re safe, Shiro. Just take deep breaths.” Shiro immediately tried to follow order, and Lance nodded in encouragement as he rasped in deep lungfuls of air.

It took a long time for him to talk Shiro back down. He only put his hand back on the other man’s shoulder when he’d received a weak nod that it was okay. Lance wasn’t an expert in this sort of this, so he was just doing the best he could, but he thought that giving Shiro a physical lifeline might ground him. He’d still be trembling when Lance gently squeezed his shoulder in reassurance and kept reminding him that he was safe until he could breathe normally again.

Lance kept the comforting hand on Shiro’s shoulder when he felt him finally stop trembling. “Are you okay?”

“Ye-yeah.” Shiro cleared his throat to try and dispel the raspiness.

“I was just on my way to get some water,” Lance lied smoothly. “Would you like some?” Shiro hesitated for a moment before nodding, and Lance squeezed his shoulder before getting up and heading out. “I’ll be right back.”

He grabbed the water as quickly as he could. He didn’t like the idea of leaving Shiro alone after what had happened, but he also wanted their leader comfortable enough to relax a little bit. When he finally got back to the room, he announced his presence as the door slid open.

“Not the finest water in the galaxy, but good enough for us measly defenders.” He was hoping knowing it was him who was reentering would keep Shiro from startling too badly, but he was bolt upright in his bed when Lance walked in. “Relax,” Lance told him gently, “I told you I would be back.”

Shiro nodded as Lance carefully handed him the glass. He was careful not to make sudden movements as he sat down on the side of the bed while Shiro drained all of the water at once.

“Are you feeling better?”

“Yeah, I’m, uh, sorry you had to deal with that.”

“Hey, no biggie. My sister is actually _way_ harder to handle than you.” Lance rolled his eyes wide for emphasis. “You try telling your teachers it was your runt of an eight-year-old sister than left the bruise across your jaw not some parental abuse thing. She could flail like a crazed eel when she was having a nightmare.” Lance could tell that Shiro hadn’t really been listening, but he’d nodded along anyway.

“So, you, uh… you’ve dealt with this before?”

Lance didn’t want to tell him about the nightmares he had done his best to keep Pidge from having. He wouldn’t betray her trust like that. He couldn’t say anything about the panic attacks he had talked Hunk through either. Allura’s sleepwalking seemed a bit personal too.

“That’s about it.” He shrugged. “Don’t worry though. I won’t tell the team about it.” He watched Shiro’s slump with relief at not having to ask that favor. “Do you want to talk about whatever you were dreaming about?” Shiro’s eyes widened, and he sharply shook his head no as his breathing hitched. “Okay, don’t worry. I’m not going to make you,” Lance immediately soothed. “I could talk if you’d like? Or I could leave if you wanted?” Shiro shook his head no again.

Glancing around the room for something, anything, to break the tension, Lance saw the pile of clothes Shiro had left in a pile on the floor.

“Do you want to hear the story of how my sister started a laundry washing cult in our neighborhood?” he suddenly asked. Shiro snorted in an almost laugh, so Lance smirked triumphantly. “And yes, this _is_ the same sister that can land a right hook hard enough to make grown men cry.” He scooted further on the bed so that his leg was pressed against Shiro’s. “Now buckle in because you’re in for a wild ride.”

He did his best to make sure the story was entertaining. And the next one. And the next one. He told all the stories of the craziest things he and his siblings had gotten into before he left for the Garrison.

His signature confident smile remained carefully on his face through everyone to give the proper tone even if it was a little too wide to be comfortable. He made sure his eyes sparkled with the right amount of mischievousness to sell the narration even if he was worried it might look manic. Each story was forced out of him in a voice that was too cheery and animated to be natural, but Shiro didn’t notice. He always kept in physical contact with Lance to stay grounded even if Lance felt like he was drifting away. Drifting away in bitter memories of a family he may never see again.

Lance kept telling stories of the Cuba he had left behind until Shiro finally relaxed into his pillows and Lance drowned in an ocean of homesickness deeper than the one at Varadera Beach.

 

* * *

 

Lance had broken enough bones to know that you can’t just tape something back together and expect it to be fixed. You need to let it set and heal over time. Maybe no one else had gotten that memo because they were back to work less than two weeks after Shiro rejoined the group. Even if no one else saw it, the team was a festering wound. They needed time to heal properly and strengthen back up after they reset. Instead, they were back to being defenders of the universe.

This time it was for a diplomatic mission. He was grateful that they weren’t back to forming Voltron and challenging the Galra at least, but even this could prove to be too much for the team. Keith might flip if someone so much as looked at Shiro the wrong way, and Lance had talked Shiro through enough anxious nights to know that the pressure of so many people looking to him as the head of Voltron might end badly. Pidge was still almost fanatical about improving team security, and Hunk had nearly broken down into a full-blown panic attack after hearing missions might be starting back up again. Not to mention Lance was dealing with his own problems too.

They weren't exactly what you would expect from the defenders of the universe, but he could understand why the Princess would want to push them to get back out there. The Galra had spread for 10,000 years while she was sleeping, leaving her the princess of a dead planet. He couldn't fault her for wanting to feel proactive even if he thought it could only end in disaster.

Allura had been fierce since team Voltron had been regrouped. If it wasn't for the mice warning him about her sleeping poorly and sleepwalking, Lance might have believed she was okay; instead, he was worried about the turmoil she hid just beneath the surface. She'd been quietly determined while they wormholed to Zurill, and resolutely guarded while they landed. Lance was actually impressed with how regal she looked while they waited for the Zurill council representatives to come meet them to discuss starting negotiations. He was impressed with everyone's demeanor actually.

If he hadn't been privy to all the nightmares and panic attacks, he might actually believe they were the fearless paladins of Voltron.

As it was, he felt like he should be the one to speak up. “Princess?” he called tentatively.

“What is it Lance?” she snapped. “They’re almost here.” Lance was used to how harsh Allura could sound when she was tense, she’d been yelling at team Voltron in frustration from nearly the first time they met, so he tried not to take it personally. This wasn’t nearly as bad as when the team was still figuring out how to form Voltron, but it did prove that everyone’s emotions were too high to be here right now. If no one else was going to say anything, then he would.

“Yeah, I know.” He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly with a smile. “I just think this might be a bad idea.”

Allura sighed. “Lance...:”

“Why didn’t you voice your concerns before we landed?” Shiro asked. Lance decided to ignore the last question and instead actually tell them his concerns.

“I just think that-”

“-This is a good planet, Lance,” Allura assured him.

“I know that, but-”

“-The Zurill people are good people, and an alliance with them will be very helpful.”

“I understand that,” Lance stressed, “we’re just not-”

“-We can’t insult them now by backing out of the negotiations,” she warned.

Lance took a deep breath. Tell one ill-timed joke during the debriefing, and you almost get kicked out for not taking it seriously. No one had really listened to him after that, and he’d just been trying to lighten the somber mood because everyone was stressing out over this meeting too much. They were all so caught up in proving they were fine that they couldn’t see it wasn’t fine. He knew they weren’t trying to take it out on him, but they just weren’t listening to what he had to say. But they needed to.

“Okay, okay but I feel-”

“Look!” Pidge pointed down the hill. “They’re coming.” The greeting party was slowly making its way up toward the ship.

That was literally the worst time the Zurill could have made their appearance. Lance didn’t think anything good could come out of the team keeping it up like they were.

“Okay Paladins, remember how important this meeting is,” Allura muttered. Everyone straightened into stern postures, and Lance copied with a quiet sigh.

Shiro warned them, “Be on your best behavior.”

“That means you Lance,” Pidge teased with a glance his way. “That means no flirting.”

Lance opened his mouth to argue back when he saw Hunk’s face over her shoulder. He was smiling at the joke with his posture a little less tense than it had been. It wasn’t the team’s fault that Lance wasn’t in the mood for the joke. Pidge was just doing the easiest thing to lighten the tension, and Lance could respect that. So, he flashed Hunk he best smile before rolling his eyes at Pidge. He faced forward with a carefully confident air as he tried to get himself in the proper headspace to make it through today’s meetings.

He _really_ didn’t think anything good could come out of this.

 

* * *

 

Everything had been sailing smoothly since the team had gone to Zurill. Despite that, Lance hadn’t been able to shake the sinking feeling in his gut. It was the heavy dawn of realization right before everything came crashing down. Like split second after you tip a chair back too far, and your stomach drops. That was probably why he wasn’t surprised when the other hammer, metaphorically, hit. And there had been actual hammers, but the robeast had just been a distraction while a Galra fleet pulled into position.

The team had been handling missions and attacks and even forming Voltron with no problem, for a while, but this was bigger than anything they’d seen since getting Shiro back. It had everyone on edge, and Lance was treading through the sharp orders carefully.

“The particle barrier can’t take much more!” Allura cried in warning. Lance was tempted to tell her what he thought about the ever-failing barrier, but bit his tongue and focused on the other other lions. Red and Green were doing a pretty good job of speeding around the Galra ships, taking them out a handful at a time. Black and Yellow were still trying to get through to the ion cannon on the closest battleship to stop it from making another hit.

“How you doing there Hunk?” Lance called.

“There’s so many!” Hunk’s voice wailed through the comms. “I can’t shake them. There’s so many.”

“You got this, buddy,” Lance cheered him on. He was doing his best to blast through the ships around chasing the head and other leg of Voltron. Blue’s cannon wasn’t as quick to aim as his bayard, but he still thought he was doing quick work. “I know you can take these guys with one claw behind your back. Just focus on what you’re good at and smash that cannon. Shiro’s got your back.”

“I’m right beside you, Hunk,” Shiro agreed. Hunk having a breakdown right now would be less than ideal “Just get through that barrier.”

Lance jerked Blue’s controls back as Red shot past him with a tail of Galra ships right behind her.

“Don’t just sit there, Lance!” Keith cried.

“Lance, you’re supposed to be helping keep those ships under control so we can get to the other ion cannon before the particle barrier fails,” Shiro reminded him. With castle defenses low, he’d thought helping Yellow and Black get to the first ion cannon was a bigger priority. The smaller ships were just like annoying gnats that just kept buzzing around the team to separate them and not have a long enough pause to form Voltron. Pidge and Keith had them well managed, but he had disobeyed his order.

“Aye, aye.” He added the finger gun noise to get his tone across before chasing after Green. “On it.” They corralled a small fleet to the other side of the ship.

“Lance,” Pidge called, “go find another group instead of wasting time helping me with this one!”

At that moment, the other Galra battleship fired its blast at the weakening castle defenses. Coran and Allura cried out over comms while the offensive barrage from the castle spaceship paused for a moment.

“It held!” Corran hollered. “It should be able to take one more hit.”

Pidge had already zoomed off to deal with more of the ships, but Lance hesitated behind the battleship. The second Galra battleship was drifting in the distance. The majority of the Glara ships were clustered around the action by the first ion cannon, so breaking through would only take a fraction of the effort once they were finally able to focus on the second ship. He didn’t doubt that Hunk and Shiro would take care of the first battleship in time, but that left the second one with too many possible hits at the exposed castle.

He thought it through: if they didn’t destroy the first cannon before it could fire again, it would take down the barrier. Then even if they did get the cannon destroyed, the second ion cannon would do some serious damage. On the off chance Shiro and Hunk did get the first cannon destroyed in time, it still could take too much time to destroy the second. It could get two blasts in before rendered inoperable and also do some serious damage. All in all, they didn’t have enough time.

Without thinking about it, he gunned Blue toward the second battleship. The few ships protecting the second cannon took note, and geared to attack him once he was in range. Flooring the accelerator forward, he muted his comm.

“Hey Blue,” he called, “I know this is a stupid idea, but keep it steady.” He felt the rumble of Blue beneath his feet, the rumble of Blue in his mind, the rumble of the link and trust they shared, and he made his plan. “You’re too valuable to risk, okay?” They were in range now but moving too quickly for many of the ships to get clean shots.

“Lance? What are you doing!”

He registered the voice but not who said it. Instead, he focused on his best girl.

“I have to do this, and you know it.” He hoped he was explaining it to her well enough. He didn’t know why he _needed_ her to understand. Maybe he just wanted someone to.

He stared through the windshield. They were almost on top of the battleship. “There isn’t enough time for a grand speech or anything, and that’s probably good. I’d talk forever.” Still forward in his seat, he tensed to get ready. “So, I guess I just have time to say goodbye.” Activating the mask on his helmet, he carefully watched the battleship loom fully into his field of vision.

“Goodbye.” Smacking the acceleration and eject button at the same time, he gasped as his body was suddenly lurched down.

For a few dizzying seconds, he didn’t know what was happening, but then his momentum slowed, and he spiraled to a stop. He was hanging in space upside down while Blue drifted away in front of him. The ships were hitting her better as she drifted at a slower pace outside of their range. Lance wasn’t worried. He knew she could take some hits, and he hadn’t wanted her hurtling into space on her own at full speed.

“Lance, where are you?” Keith demanded. Lance gasped and looked toward the first battleship. There were popping explosions of light from every ship the team destroyed. He could barely see flashes of color from the lions and couldn’t tell if the cannon had blasted the castle shield again or not.

“I’m through!” Hunk cried. “I’m through!”

“Way to go,” Shiro cheered, “take it down.”

Lance couldn’t make out the ion cannon from where he was hovering about the ship’s hull, but he smiled anyway. Despite the muted comm, he whispered a fond, “I knew you could do it buddy.”

“Lance, help me keep this fleet from regrouping at the other ship!” Pidge called.

“We’re not going to have time to mess around,” Shiro warned the group. “We have to get that second cannon out of commission immediately, so keep those ships out of the way.”

“Hey, where are you?” Lance heard Pidge’s confusion. Ignoring the pangs he felt at keeping his team in silence, he activated his jets to propel down the hull of the ship. There was a hangar down further down the side where the Galra fighter jets came out of.

“Oh my g- Lance!” Keith yelled. “He’s all the way over there!”

Shiro sighed. “Lance what are you doing?”

“You’re flying away from the fight, dude,” Hunk laughed.

Lance was in the hangar now, so he couldn’t see Blue drifting further and further away. It probably looked like a strange sight, so he allowed a small smile as the team and the Alteans muttered about his strange flying habits. He could even be fond of Keith’s cargo pilot comments right now if it meant still hearing his voice.

The smile slipped from his face when he activated his bayard; he had bigger issues to worry about now and only so much time. The team would be able to bring Blue back for him once they realized what was going on.

He couldn’t explain it to them, so he listened in silence as they talked about him. He listened in silence as he made it through the halls, through any Galra in his way, and he searched, oblivious to any pain or injuries. He listened in silence as they talked about the battle and their voices cracked with worry and desperation then turned sharp with anger and desperation. He listened in silence without any cries of pain as he ignored any and all injuries while he focused solely on his mission and their talking. Because he knew they would understand his silence when they realized, and they did.

When the first explosions burst out, they did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I said in the tags: I super promise (spoilers) there is not major character death. If anyone is worried or upset by the ending, please just wait because I would have put an archive warning in if this fic needed it. I promise. This was just a whole dump of the team dealing with trauma in a bad bad way. They'll get the chance to redeem themselves, but sometimes pushing too hard just ends in things breaking. Again, the team is not intentionally mean or hurtful to Lance. We've all been in situations where people snap out of tension or frustration, and, let's face it, everyone is under a lot of pressure. In high stress situations, it can be hard to see if you're shutting someone out. They're all trying so hard to prove they're fine, they're missing how everyone else is struggling too, and Lance is the one getting hurt because of it. They all need to see that they haven't been behaving in a mentally or physically healthy way. Lance included.
> 
> Thanks for all the kudos and comments! They're what keep me going at this even after I almost stopped. Only Chapter 3 to go. I'll see you on the other side.


	3. When All of the Team is Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team doesn't even know if Lance is alive, but there might be other answers they're too scared to get, too. Blue is in mourning, but is it over her Paladin? The team is falling apart, and they'll have to hear some things they don't want to in order to fix what's broken.
> 
> The team tries to hold themselves together with Lance gone.

The ultimate irony was that the team needed Lance in order to hold themselves together long enough to find him. Hunk had always appreciated Lance’s support through the hardest times in his life, but he didn’t think he’d ever appreciated Lance so much before. Now that he was hunched into a ball in a full-blown panic attack, he definitely appreciated Lance’s absence.

Coran had found him like this, but the Altean was gone to fetch the other paladins. He was alone. Lance had never left him alone like this. When he’d started to feel anxious, he’d immediately wanted to go to the Blue Paladin. Lance had always been good at talking him down from a panic attack or talking him through it if it couldn’t be avoided. But he couldn’t talk Hunk through the fact it was his absence causing this.

It was that fact that had set Hunk over the edge into his meltdown, and he’d crumpled on the floor. He couldn’t remember if he’d ever gone through something like this without Lance’s voice counting a soothing rhythm for his breath when he was hyperventilating. Or asking him to explain what exactly was going through his head that was bringing him to the point. Or giving him assurances as he patted Hunk’s back or fetched a glass of water. And how had he missed that it was _Lance_? It wasn’t the support or comforting words that he needed to get him through something like this. It was the fact that Lance was always there; he always knew what to say. It was Lance.

“Hunk, buddy?” He registered that someone was talking to him, but it wasn’t the voice that he needed to hear. “What’s going on?” Shiro looked so concerned. Coran must have warned him that he hadn’t been able to get through to the Yellow Paladin, but Hunk didn’t have the emotional capacity to feel guilty about scaring the Altean so badly. He barely even registered Pidge and Keith watching anxiously behind their leader. “What’s wrong?”

Hunk could barely breath let alone speak. He might be close to passing out if he didn’t slow down his breathing soon, but he did his best to get a word out through his gasping. “L-la-Lance.”

Shiro’s eye softened and the worry lines in his brow smoothed out as he understood. “You’re worried about Lance?”

Hunk nodded his head, then he shook it. That wasn’t quite right. He was worried about Lance, but it was so much more than that.

“Okay, it’s okay,” Shiro assured him. “Just focus on breathing first then you can tell me. Just breath first. Slowly.” The Black Paladin set his breath to a slow pattern for Hunk to follow. It was a pattern the Yellow Paladin was familiar with. It was the same one Lance talked him through each time. When he wasn’t close to passing out, and he could finally gasp out what he needed to, Hunk ran his hands across his face.

“Lance,” he gasped a shaky breath, “Lance alway-” It was still hard to talk, and Lance would usually shush him and tell him to wait until he was ready before trying to explain. But Lance wasn’t here. “Helped me through this,” he finally finished.

Shiro frowned. “He did?” When Hunk nodded in reply, the worry lines creased his forehead again. “Do you… Does this happen a lot?” It wasn’t a lot, but Hunk didn’t want to lie to the team, so he shrugged his shoulders. “Lance never told me anything was wrong.”

“He promised-he promised not to… say anything.” Hunk was doing his best to hiccup through his sentences.

“Yeah, he didn’t. And…” Shiro hesitated with shaky hand across his mouth, “for me too.”

Hunk rested his forehead against the cool floor. Of course. Shiro hadn’t sounded like Lance comforting him; he’d been repeating him.

“You sounded like him,” he admitted to the floor.

Shiro’s voice was soft and brittle. “He talked me through some… some bad nightmares.” Hunk nodded as he rolled onto his back. He wasn’t ready to sit up yet.

“He used to do that for his sister.”

“That’s what he said.”

The Black Paladin’s shoulders were curled in tighter than Hunk had ever seen. His eyes had a dark and haunted look, and Hunk knew he didn’t know how to do this without Lance either. He didn’t even know Lance had been helping Shiro sleep at night. What were they going to do without him?

“What’s going on?” Pidge asked as she stepped forward to check on them both. The bags under her eyes were as dark as Shiro’s, and if Hunk was in any kind of position to scold her to take better care of herself, he would.

“We just miss Lance,” he said offhandedly. It was a lie. Lance had always told him to be honest with how bad his anxiety would be, that the team would understand. He’d known about Shiro, so clearly, he’d known more than he said. So Hunk quietly admitted, “He always helped me through my panic attacks.”

“Oh.” Pidge blinked as she processed it. “I guess that makes sense,” she sat down beside the two other Paladins, “but we are doing everything to try and find him.”

“It doesn’t feel like it,” Hunk complained. “It doesn’t feel we’re even holding it together.”

“Hey, speak for yourself,” Pidge snapped defensively. “I’ve been pouring over every bit of data we’ve gotten to find him.” To find him. Neither of them would acknowledge that they didn’t even know if the Blue Paladin was alive. Hunk couldn’t handle that possibility right now. He would break down all over again.

“Pidge, you look like you haven’t gotten any sleep,” Shiro scolded.

“I’m working,” she defended. Her expression was hard, but Hunk could see the second something important crossed her mind. Her face crumpled. “I have nightmares too.” Shiro, always the protector, immediately pulled her small frame into a hug. Hunk wearily sat up and watched the smallest Paladin. “I keep just seeing that stupid footage, and I can’t stop seeing it and hate that we watched the stupid footage,” she rambled. “Why did it have to keep going?” Hunk had found that hard too.

They’d all gathered into Black to watch the cockpit footage from Blue from the battle they’d lost Lance in. When Black had started the video, it had showed a concentrated Lance. The video had gone from him shooting down ships, through the battle, and all the way through his trip to the battleship. But it hadn’t stopped after his final words to Blue or after he’d ejected from the pilot’s seat as if that hadn’t been enough. Instead, Black had played the footage of Blue’s empty cockpit as she drifted through space. And it played what they were saying about the battle. And about Lance.

“I keep just reliving it and reliving it, and it won’t stop,” Pidge gasped. “Did he hear that? Did he hate us? Why didn’t we trust him? What if what I said was the last thing he…” She couldn’t finish her last question and Hunk was grateful. He had to believe Lance was still out there and believing in them. If this is what the team was like with Lance gone… Keith was still standing awkwardly a step away from the group with the stiff boot Coran had insisted the Red Paladin wear after catching him icing his ankle after a 2am training session gone wrong; Pidge curled into Shiro’s side with a haunted look in her glazed eyes; their leader was brought down to the floor with his guilt which was something they hadn’t even seen after Matt and Pidge’s father; and Hunk still wasn’t recovered from his anxiety attack, and he knew it wouldn’t be the only one about this.

They wouldn’t be able to hold it together if Lance was gone for good, if they’d lost him in that last battle. All that was holding Hunk together at this point was the fact that Lance needed them to work together and find him. If he lost that drive, that hope, he didn’t think he would be the only one unable to face that possibility.

* * *

 

Shiro knew he’d been asking for punishment. He knew deep inside it would only cut him deeper than he already was. It was going to be almost impossible to recover from all of the emotional torture he’d experienced, and he was only piling on the scarring on his heart until maybe it wouldn’t work anymore. If he had PTSD before, what would he be like when they finally came out of the end of this? The idea that he couldn’t stop the rest of the younger paladins from experiencing the same thing crushed him. The idea that one of them had maybe been suffering more than he realized made that pain a physical weight that made it hard to breathe.

It had all started with Allura. Shiro thought she was probably suffering as much as the rest of them, and he hadn’t considered that she was connected to all the lions of Voltron. He hadn’t understood how that might be a burden in a time like this until they found the Princess broken down on the bridge. Shiro hadn’t seen the Altean Princess look as emotionally destroyed except with the news of her planet and loss of her father. Coran had been trying to comfort her, and he explained as well as he could.

The Princess was connected with all the lions which is how she could find them across space. That’s how she could feel the Blue Lion’s loss and grief. Allura hadn’t thought the bond between the lion and paladin had grown that close in the time since Lance had found her in the cave back on Earth, so she had gone to the lion. She wanted to know if the Blue Paladin was gone, and if that was why she was mourning. As far as the rest of them knew, she never got an answer to that question. Instead, the Blue Lion had had her look for something to better understand the loss of the boy who piloted her. Shiro wasn’t sure how that had brought her to the bridge and the castle’s security system, but it had showed her what she’d never known she’d had. The footage showed her wandering the halls, asleep, that had once held everyone she’d known or going to the room with the lost memories of her father and time after time, the Blue Paladin would find her and bring her back. He would pull her from the memories that haunted her and tuck her in with a glass of water. She’d always assumed when she woke up that anything Lance had left behind had been Coran’s doing, and it was Coran who had to explain all of this to the shell-shocked paladins because the Princess had no words to explain her loss.

It was a loss Shiro could understand. It was waking up cold and alone surrounded by memories you didn’t know where haunting you until the person who provided the warmth and comfort that chased them away was gone. Some of the stories Lance had told him danced around in the Black Paladin’s head, but now they only haunted him like the dreams and memories they had served to chase away. They were just a biting memory of the boy within them that he had failed.

So, the Black Paladin had gone to his bond. He had gone to his lion. Deep down, he knew it would not comfort him like he wanted. It was the sinking feeling that the worst was yet to come, that they were all waiting on something the lions seemed to know. He had hoped Black would tell him what it was, why Blue wouldn’t tell them if Lance was alive, or what the burn through the bond really was. It was a burn Shiro couldn’t trace back to a start; he only knew he had noticed it when they didn’t know what Lance was doing and tried to locate him to help in the final fight.

Instead of answering, Black had showed him another video. This time instead of being something Blue had recorded, it was something Black had seen. It was Lance comforting the head of Voltron during the loss of his Paladin. Shiro had been choked up. If he hadn’t understood the point of what Black showed him when the video started, he did now. It was shameful to realize he hadn’t considered how badly the team dynamic would have been destroyed in his absence. And it was mortifying to realize he wouldn’t have considered Lance mature enough to consider Black’s feelings like he had. Shiro couldn’t honestly say he’d thought about all of the things Lance had comforted Black about, and he was Shiro’s lion. It was humbling and painful, and he had left Black in resignation. The cockpit had gone dark at the end of the video clip, his lion unwilling to talk. The barrier had been raised when he left.

Shiro understood. There was someone else he had to talk to first, and he didn’t know how the team had avoided it this long. They all knew they had unanswered questions, but they had been avoiding them. Shiro just didn’t know how much more this was going to scar him.

He’d called the team to the hangar door but had no idea what he was going to say to them.

“Hey, what’s going on?” Pidge called before reaching Shiro. She had Hunk in tow with her, and the Yellow Paladin looked nervous at the hangar Shiro had called them to.

Keith came limping down the hall with his boot and a scowl “Why a team meeting? I was trying to talk with Red but her barriers up. She won’t let me in.” He crossed his arms while his gray eyes flashed his eyes in annoyance. Shiro was used to how the Red Paladin’s anger always rose up with his frustration. They’d known each other too long.

“Black too. I’m guessing the lions won’t let us in until we talk to her.” He opened the door to Blue’s hangar.

She sat in stoic imitation of her time on Earth. Shiro understood the feeling of being watched Lance had talked about then. It felt like the Blue Lion was trying to bore a hole through the team with her gaze. Maybe that was just in Shiro’s imagination.

No one said anything, and that didn’t really surprise Shiro. If he couldn’t think of anything to say, and he was the one who brought everyone here, what did he expect the rest of the team to do. There was a reason they had all avoided this place, and he was the one asking to bring it all to the top now. That terrified him, so he had no idea what everyone else was thinking.

“Hey Blue,” he called out tentatively. “I was just talking to the Black Lion.” She didn’t move; no one moved. “I know that Lance tried to comfort Black while I was gone, and…” He wanted to glance back at the team for support but the idea of facing them scared him more than going on alone. “... and I know it’s your bond that would have been why he did that. So, thank you.”

If he’d been expecting anything, nothing happened.

“What are we doing here?” Keith demanded.

“I should be trying to find Lance,” Pidge also objected. Hunk was silent, and Shiro was worried he was close to bringing on another panic attack in him.

“Allura coming in here made her break down in tears,” Keith added. “What do you think's going to happen?”

“What I think,” Shiro snapped, “is going to happen? What I think is that we should have come in here to begin with. What I think is that we all have been avoiding this. What I think is that we’re scared to find out what Blue is keeping from us.” Shiro had circled to the side to glare at the team. “What I think is that we need to know why all the lions are so… so… mad at us.”

Blue eyes flickered to life and that rage, that rage that had been burning through the bond silently, that rage that they had all ignore, simmered to life. It was her rage, and all of the lions of Voltron’s rage, and their disappointment. This was something the team had ignored in favor of piecing their dynamic back together in hard times. And this was the thing that ended up breaking them apart.

If they’d thought what Blue had shown them at the beginning of this journey back on Earth was overwhelming, they had no idea what was coming. She opened her mouth in a roar that wasn’t triumphant but broken. She’d always been the friendliest lion and most open but they hurt her Paladin. Her Paladin who had brought them together and kept them together. So, Blue showed the team what they needed to see to move forward and understand like she did from the beginning.

The video started with a fresh-faced Lance beaming in the cockpit of his lion.

“Allura says we need to bond with our lions. Shiro mastered that flying lesson, and I don’t want to get left behind. So, let’s talk!” The Blue Paladin looked so excited. Saving the universe was still something new that he could beat Keith at. His smile changed throughout the videos.

They were shots of Lance sharing his thoughts with Blue in her cockpit; the bags under his eyes slowly growing darker as he admitted to falling behind on his skin care routine.  They were clips of Lance trying to talk with Hunk or Pidge in the labs, helping Coran clean the castleship, telling jokes over dinner. They were moments of Lance forcing Pidge to go to bed. Then him checking on her. He had Blue help him track her sleep cycle so he could wake her up before she had nightmares. In the first couple videos, she snapped at him. In the later ones, he ran. They were tapes Lance comforting Hunk or Shiro and promising not to tell the team. There was Lance taping the bruises from a sparring match with Keith. He was rambling to Blue to help ease her worry because it helped Keith calm down. If he wasn't wearing the boot, Shiro would be afraid he'd run. As it was, the red paladin looked like he was going to throw up.

No one looked too good. If they'd been burning with curiosity about what had made Allura cry, they were burning with something much worse now. It wasn't like they had intentionally hurt Lance, Hunk was his best friend and Pidge was his teammate back at the Garrison, but that made the shame worse. Blue played the stories of home Lance told the curious Coran or reminded Hunk of when he was panicking or distracted Shiro with. They were the stories they always teased Lance about his family from, and they were the stories Lance told Blue crushed him to tell. Because he was scared that he wasn’t going to make it home to see his family again. He was scared he wouldn’t survive space.

The Blue lion wasn't mourning her paladin; all the lions were mourning something bigger. The death of their bond as a team. Because they hadn’t noticed the insecurities he admitted Blue or the ways he helped them. They didn’t know about his low confidence or waning hope. And they didn’t know why he hadn’t told them.

“-that's because I would do anything to protect this team…” Lance beamed at his lion through the hazy blue glow of the video.

“I'll be okay. As my mom would say, usually after I got into something that earned a good smack with _la chancla_ , I just need to ‘clean up, get some sleep, and start again fresh tomorrow. Everything will look better in a new light.’ And of course, so will I.” He shot her his signature finger guns with a wink.

They could finally see what they had missed before. His arms were tucked defensively into his sides as he flashed his signature finger guns, and his stiff smile didn't reach his eyes. The confidence was a mask for the hurt uncertainty. Because how could Lance know they good he contributed to the team if they hadn't even seen it themselves?

They didn’t even know if they realized that too late.

* * *

 

Despite the team’s guilty realization of their lack of understanding Lance, he didn’t doubt them. They may have caused him pain, but they hadn’t done it intentionally. They may have brushed him off and found him annoying, but he knew they were his team and that they cared about him. He knew he sometimes had his doubts about himself, that he sometimes considered himself the weakest link, but he believed it was only in his head. It was only the dark whisper he’d learned to fight off with a boast and a smile.

They would have told him he was useful and a valuable member of Voltron if he had gotten up the courage and asked. They would have comforted him if he told them he was insecure. They would have taken what he said seriously and without judgement if he’d confessed his problems. He knew they would because they were his friends and _together_ they were Voltron.

At least that’s what he tried to convince himself over the silence.

It had been too quiet since he was captured by the Galra, and talking to himself had been something he actively avoided. Because with no one else to talk to, he said the worst things to himself. The things they’d done to him weren’t on the same level as the things they’d shown him. His armor had been discarded days and days ago, and he’d already reconciled himself to the scars that would never fade from the skin he’d worked so hard to keep pristine. That was something he would have thought would have been harder to do, but he’d found out a lot about himself and the things he was willing to give up from the Galra.

He would have never been able to imagine the things the Druids could do with their magic. The time he’d been convinced he was back home with his family and everything with Voltron had been a dream had been one of the most painful things. They’d been so satisfied with his tears and wailing after that one, and he’d hated them for it.

He hated them for their threats and their promises. He hated them for how hard it was not to tell them what they wanted to know. And he hated them for the silence. He needed to see the team again, to hear their laughter, and talk to them again. He was tired of arguing with the dark thoughts he was left with, and after a month in captivity, he was starting to believe them.

The team really wasn’t coming to save him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay everyone, this is the end! I know it was left open and vague, but so was just about everything about this work. I'll probably go back and tweak things through this, but I wanted to get this posted. It's been 90% finished for over a month, and I wanted to just get a draft posted for anyone who's been waiting. Season 3 was released between the posting of Chapter 2 and this one, but my goal was to leave this vague enough that it could fit in after Season 2 without making it's own specific details. I wanted a lot of what was happening to not be set in stone with the details. I mainly just wanted the characters to work through their team dynamic and apparently did that by hurting Lance.
> 
> If anyone has any questions or concerns, definitely let me know. This has just been hovering as unfinished for too long. Thank y'all!


End file.
